Life with Bees

The cheese returns for another year. 2009 was not the best vintage Eurovision - a Soviet bloc of dullness interspersed with bursts of truly awful. But there must be highlights and here are some of ours.

Ukraine - Be Very Afraid


The frankly terrifying Svetlana Loboda beat us into submission with her raspberry red collagen lips, half-naked Trojans and the Hell Machine, a device used for instantly Britney-fying your life. Her performance, entitled Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl), could kill a bull elephant at 20 paces. It got top marks from everyone, which shows just what Euro trashbags we are.


Greece - This is Our Night to Travelate


Greek pop god Sakis Rouvas returned to perform his patriotic duty one more time at Eurovision. The former Olympic gymnast gave it everything he had - gleaming man cleavage, haystack hair, and a white suit. In other words, as the Guardian put it: "Sakis gets to jump off his podium a lot, barking "Fly!" upon each descent, with a misplaced optimism that would have shamed Icarus." His podium transforms into a travelator and then into a giant stapler upon which Sakis poses triumphantly, shirt flapping open, cleavage heaving. Pure Olympic gold.


Moldova
She got points for sheer gumption and for being 45 and loving her purple boots.